Life Changed..

I wasn’t really into blogging..but for a couple of times I’m inspired to write down my thoughts, my dreams, my desires and how I had a personal encounter with God…Looking back when I first heard of Christ..i was on my elementary days then..our boarder invited me to a Baptist church, attending Sunday school..but I do not understand nor enjoy any of it.. I was just a mere expectator, Then came high school life, met few Christian friends who diligently invites me to their “gathering”..but still I didn’t put much attention into it.. I reasoned out, I wasn’t bad after all..instead I became active on one of the organizations called “Kabataang Lingkod ni Maria” and handled small groups to facilitate for worship, sharing, even prayers but I wasn’t changed. Time passed..and everything just became any other ordinary group for me..I still felt so empty. Many years of wandering.. I regularly “meet” with Christ on Sundays..then just hi..hello’s on Monday to Saturday..Funny it may seem..but it’s true.. I ignored Him a couple of times.. He may have reached out to me on many ways..different venues but I always turned my back on Him..feeling I do not need any of it because I know a lot of things and I’m okay..I’m in denial and i’m not in need..Then I made lots of friends, went into a relationship, turned into vices…I may be a leader at school but I have very low self esteem, coming from a broken family..I’m always insecure. I was misled that to be accepted I need to be like my friends, laugh like them, think like them & live like them. Trying to fit into their world..i just enjoyed being a sinner…and yet I don’t feel bad after all..coz it’s just normal to be that way when they’re around. I nurtured the anger, the hurt..resentment inside me..I’ve been unforgiving to the people who caused me pain.. My father..my ex..friends who betrayed me..Many of them doesn’t met up with my expectations..and I felt all alone.. rejected..unloved. When I was given the gift of motherhood.. I asked, how will I be able to share a part of me when I myself is not whole? A couple of times I tried fixing things..making my life whole..i’ve got plans but I always failed..because everything I do..i’m doing it my way..Often, when “plan” is used in other translations it refers to human “schemes” rather than those of God..and im of no difference to that.. because I don’t know God and any of His plan for me.

Then on one season of my life, when I was at my lowest..God did not gave up on me.. He personally hand-picked me..He sent people to comfort me..to listen to me..to care for me.. I was invited to a church meeting and was delivered from sin. Everybody is singing..with glow on their faces..I was overjoyed because I had an encounter with Christ for the very first time..and my heart is open and I was set free..from bondage of sins..that held me back for a long time..for a chance to enjoy life and see the beauty of everything else that’s around me. My family..my precious baby..they all came into reality for me..for before they we’re just blurred pictures of obligations & responsilbility.. But now..everything has a reason..a purpose..they we’re presented to me as gifts..as blessings..as someone that I am accountable to. But Christian life for me is not all fairy tale.. It is a indeed a process..every single day is a decision to make..a commitment to purity..to forgiveness..to love..to faith..to grace..to God.. but it isn’t hard then..because I have people who nurtures me with much love, with acceptance..giving me hope..inspiration..equipping me with tools to make it..my spiritual family. They not only believed on me..but we all believe on the same God who makes all things possible for us who believes.. I was reminded of an illustration that for my cup to be filled up..i need to be empty.. for I was holding on to something all my life..but I have to let go of it so that I can hold on to God..to Him alone..complete dependence on His will and never on mine. As Christians, we are like stage actors..when lights are all gone and we’re about to do our individual parts..we’re like on a black hole we don’t see whats beyond that black hole but we feel their presence, we know they’re out there… And that presence as our “audience” ..it motivates us, encourages us, inspires us to be the best that we can.. And before you knew it, the play is up..and the lights are on..we will see proud faces..hear the clap on their hands..and hear them say..”job well done!”

Hope you we’re all encouraged…He’s not yet through with us..so let’s just be excited of things to come..and looking forward to hear Him say ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! Matthew 25:23

by Noemi Lyn Arda-boyles on Tuesday, June 29, 2010 at 2:50pm

Advertisements
  1. No trackbacks yet.

You must be logged in to post a comment.
Advertisements
%d bloggers like this: